“Why Aren’t You Getting Married?” – A Rant

So, when I come back to post something on my blog, it’s usually years after my last post and it’s usually to post a poem or a rant. Well, usually not a rant because I don’t have the guts to do it but I think I’m going to go ahead with this one and dive right in.

I should warn you that this rant has many branches and can be gone into at length but as I was trying to think of this post in my head, it became increasingly confusing and deviated from the main point under discussion, so I decided to stick to the point and state events as they happened.

Recently, as is inevitable at my age, I was confronted on a subject that plagues our society: marriage. It started from “What does your generation think about marriage?” and escalated very quickly to “So this means we shouldn’t educate our children because they think they’re independent now and don’t need to get married.” All I could think in my head was, “Wow, that’s the most regressive statement I’ve ever heard.”

I was shocked by that statement but it made me sad because this is what I thought later. If women who appear to be modern and liberal are making such statements, what can I expect from people who aren’t “educated, modern, and liberal”? And I doubt that she would ever tell her children not to educate their children for fear of them not getting married. I can only wonder what she meant by arriving at that conclusion and assume that it was targeted at us three sisters because we’re “educated” and in no hurry to get married. [A couple of years and more out of undergrad school, and I’m a marriage and a couple of children behind other people my age]. The education comment didn’t need an equally frustrating addition to it but this followed: “Humare muashre main yeh acha nahin samjha jata,”(it’s not something that the society looks upon as a good thing) when I said that it’s someone’s choice to not get married. I couldn’t help but think her comment was targeted towards females and not males.

If she had given me a reason based on religion as to why people should get married, that would probably make some sense to me, but when you throw in the muashra (society) into the list of reasons to get married? Yeah, I’m not going to get married just to please society, thanks. My reasons to not get married (at this stage in life or in a couple of years’ time) are personal and I don’t think anyone is entitled to an explanation. (The only people who deserve an explanation are my parents. So if you’re not my parent, please move along.)

According to the person I had this conversation with, it is hard to fathom why someone would choose not to get married unless they’ve been told of devastating marriage stories by their friends or seen it in their own families. No is an unacceptable answer and your reasons for choosing not to get married as soon as possible are unreasonable.

I rant and I could rant some more but this is what happened and my thoughts have been very confusing and messy and fuelled by anger, but I’m trying to get over it. I’m just frustrated as to why my decision to or to not get married it’s anyone else’s business. Honestly, the only thing I learnt from that encounter was that we’re not moving forward as a society and the idea of having to conform to survive is constantly being reinforced.

I kind of lost of track of what I was supposed to write after the first paragraph and I’m sorry if this is incoherent but I thought it was time I spoke out.

+++

Note: I have nothing against marriage. People who choose to get married at any stage in life, good for them and I’m happy for them. It’s just not the choice for me right now. You don’t automatically have to be a marriage-hater if you decide not to make that decision. I respect everyone’s choices and I expect mine to be respected (if not understood) too.

Another note: I cannot even pretend that this was a discussion that was well-meant, for obvious reasons.

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